A year ago today I nearly lost my life. All the days leading up to today have had me on edge. I’m grateful I’m alive and I count my blessings each day. Tomorrow is not promised and sometimes you need life changing events to shift your ever shifting perspective. I have learned a lot. You know sometimes you have these crazy conversations with your spouse. Would you still love me if I had no legs? Would you shield me from a bullet? Would you still love me if an asteroid struck me dead in my face and I was disfigured? Some of these questions you will never be around to know the answer to and I thank God that I do know that my husband was by my side every step of the way while I lay unconscious for five days. The same man that doesn’t change diapers or doesn’t like to hold small babies sure did step up to the plate and show me what a real man is all about. The same man that I often question the love he has for me. My mother, my family, his mother, his family, all offered to help but Elliot insisted he was okay even though he may not have been. Men are stoic and this is my own testament to that. I don’t need my husband to tell me he loves me everyday or to buy me flowers each year for Valentines day (because he does none of that). What I need is a life-long partner that will be by my bedside while I lay on my death bed. I don’t need a partner that speaks about his love for me I need a partner that shows it with his actions. Elliot was at that hospital everyday adhering to the medical advice of allowing Amari to cuddle with me while I just lay there. My aunts pumped my breast-milk out because they knew how important maintaining my milk was to me.
I can’t believe I was so neglectful to my body and could have prevented all of what happened. It’s not that often that you hear about folks dying over asthma. But it happens. I’m no stranger to asthma and have lived with the disease for 26 years. Having a brand new baby three months prior made me pre-occupied with everything. I can’t believe I ended up the ICU for a week because of putting everyone else before me. Listen to those signs y’all. Dismiss the petty stuff. Homegirl who looked at you all crazy isn't worth it. If someone said something you didn't like it's just the cake it's not the icing. Kiss your kids. Make love to your husband even though your tired. Tomorrow is not promised and live everyday as if it were your last. Thank you God for that second chance!

I'm having a fat aha moment. What do I do? I know what to do but it's just so hard to do it. I have succombed to the majority of what American lifestyles consist of and I over-eat compulsively and I don't exercise. I have a gym membership but the last time I used it I was pregnant. So almost two years ago. My body is changing right before my eyes and I'm afraid if I don't act now I will be dealing with a handful of health problems that could have been avoided. I'm petite I'm 5'1 and weigh 155. I should weigh 120 and when I first met my husband i weighed about 117. He has also gained a lot of weight but I don't want to nag he knows what he needs to do. In a way I wish he nagged me about my weight because sadly enough if he even hinted at my weight I would be so determined to move my fat bum.

Two weeks ago I went to a strip club and had a nervous breakdown at the bar because I was comparing myself to those hot chicks and I just couldn't stand to see myself so out of shape. So today is a new beginning wish me luck. No diets...none of that just lifestyles changes y'all.